The Body Guard

I wasn’t working today, but I had to go see my accountant (a she) to get some papers sorted out. When I get there she’s all shook up. She just had a guy in there screaming at her, calling her names and basically threatening her. Not her client, even, but a client of the other firm (they’ve got two offices).

She’s not a very big lady 5’1’’, 5’2’’ something, and the guy had been scary. She told me she’d kept glancing at her watch, knowing I would show up at any minute in case she needed assistance. I am always on time, baring acts of God, so she knew I’d be there at one sharp.

I was actually my accountants bodyguard today as the screaming bastards colleague showed up and tried to smooth the waters.

I can put out a metric ton of don’t-fuck-with-me vibe when I want to. And I look pretty rough right now with dark circles under my eyes and all that. I was a head taller than the guy too. He had been told by his associate (the screaming guy) to go to the office to pick up papers my accountant already explained that she does not have.

So there I stand, two paces behind the accountant, feet planted solidly and looking at the guy like I’m weighing my options as he darts nervous glances between us and tries to smooth the waters.

I am not in any way shape or form dangerous to anyone, you know, but I can project a hell of a lot of physicality when I want to. Not that I do that very often. The guy eventually slunk off and apologized on the way out. I think that sort of thing is just funny. I have no idea what I would have done if it had turned into an altercation, but I know without the shadow of a doubt that the guy wouldn’t have been so nice if I hadn’t been there.

My accountant got a sharp reminder today that she is actually vulnerable when she’s all alone in her office (there are usually two others there, but they were out today for some reason) and I think it scared her – you know, just that reminder.

I, on the other hand, got a reminder that things aren’t always what you think they are.

I thought I was going to my accountant to have a cup of coffee and a conversation about the infinity of papers I need to get in order.

I got to play a tough guy instead.

My life is weird.

ROL

Sick as a dog

I don’t really get sick a lot.

I mean I’m always sick, we know that, but I don’t get ill a lot.

Got hit with the equivalent of a cross between Black Death and Ebola the other day. No, I am not exaggerating… or, well maybe a little, then.

I’m not going to go into too close a description of what that entails, let’s just say it’s not been a pleasant couple of days and leave it at that. I still have a pretty bright oil lamp of a fever burning though me like a brushfire and that in and of itself is enough to have my heart thumping a baseline even if I’m only shuffling over to my desk to boot up my computer.

And the second worst part is the unintentional withdrawal you go though, ‘cause you know, I can’t drink coffee like this. And man, that’s an interesting habit to try an kick on top of everything else. And if you intend to take fever-reducing medication you sort of have to eat something, otherwise you just get worse. Awh, man. I hate this shit. I really do.

And I couldn’t go drinking with the boys on St Paddy’s either. Already sick as a dog.

So I’m fairly miserable as things stand.

Does this stop me from working? Nawh, not really. And I mean I can handle a little on call duty, right? That’s mostly just about answering the phone. Not like I’m going to be able to actually go anywhere and do anything, but hopefully I won’t need to.

Throat raw from the burn of bile my voice does sound a little fucked-out and harsh, but hey, what are you going to do? At least I can answer the phone without … well, spewing. So that’s progress, right?

Damn.

ROL

Silence is… eh? golden?

So – work was kind of weird today. As in… weird. Even for me. Normally the phone rings all the friggin’ time. Like incessantly. And there’s me pouring honey milk molasses right down peoples ears – but today the phone rang a total of 0 times.
As in not at all.
Not even a little.
Not even once.

You finally become paranoid enough to actually check that you’ve not lost contact with the world in some technical mishap. Nope. We’re still on line.

Just weird.

It’s kind of disturbing actually when you’re used to much more noise. It’s like one of those constant back ground things that just stop happening and you don’t even notice until it isn’t there anymore.

I guess that’s normal, right?

It’s the music of chance. Or the lack of music of chance, maybe.

Or maybe I should just try to go get some sleep before I start seeing Tyler Durden by the copy machine… again.

ROL