You’re not always the target audience… That’s sometimes becomes blatantly obvious. I stumbled on a CD, actually a collection of CDs.. supposed to make you all relaxed and mellow. That’s got to be a good thing, right? Or, wait, maybe I should double check that. I read the sleeve and laughed my ass off. Pretty sure that’s not the kind of nice and relaxed they wanted me to be.
This is the actual sleeve with my reflections folded in:
Relax and reflect, as the music and sounds of Nature’s Magic take you on a wondrous journey with the gentle giants of the sea. Okay, so far so good. I can do that. I can relax and listen to the gentle giants. Listen as dolphins and humpback whales, intelligent docile creatures, gracefully glide through clear ocean waters. Wait… What? Dolphins kick sharks’ asses on a regular basis. We do know that, right? Dolphins are intelligent, as far as fish go, but they don’t hang out with whales, do they? And whales – are they really intelligent? Docile? I don’t know. I thought those calls were partly territorial. That means they’re basically saying “don’t come over here, those are my krill. I’ll kick you ass…” The resonant whale song, like an orchestra of cellos, echoes throughout the sea as they playfully, with fluid motion, embrace one another with their long, curved tails. WAIT… WHAT? Embrace one another with their tales? What? Do they do that? Who’s been watching too much Disney? How the hell are they going to do that? Dolphins, with ballet precision, leap and frolic performing thrilling summersaults in the air, like aquatic acrobats. Ok, so I’m not touching the whole aquatic acrobatics IN THE AIR thing, but I don’t see how I can let them get away with frolicking. What are they, gay dolphins? Who can maintain any kind of kick-ass attitude while frolicking? And what sound does a frolic make? The rest of the school, an appreciative audience, click, giggle and whistle at the captivating antics so gleefully displayed. Ok, so I like a dolphin as much as the next guy, but you can’t tell my that high-pitched whine is in any way enjoyable to listen too. And the clicking. The clicking and eh, giggling, is that really something you want to listen to? I mean isn’t that like the guy in the almost empty library with severe OCD clicking his pen over and over and over and over… and then one more time… And then whistling. No, that’s just painful. Sorry. Not relaxing me one bit here.
I guess the real kicker was when I saw that the fourth CD in the collection of the magical mystery of nature thingy was called the Mystical Call of the Loon. Well, I guess they got that part right.
I’m going to sit down and relax now. And quite possibly play some Rammstein.
ROL
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